Of course you want to be liked.

But that’s not what leadership is about.

Of course you want to be seen as a nice person.

But that’s not what leadership is about.

Many books and articles have been written about what it takes to be a leader. They identify what skills and habits that you need to exhibit day in and day out. Yes, you don’t get a break as a leader.

[Note: this is one of my articles on the LeadershipBeyond website about what leadership is: The Psychology Of Being A Leader]

Still, I see managers making the mistake that they want to be nice or be liked. Please don’t fall into that leadership trap.

Work on being trustworthy, reliable, honest. Act with high integrity and vision but don’t fall into one of these three traps:

1 – You’re their friend

No, you are NOT.

I’ve seen this over and over again. Emerging leaders and managers focus on being friends with their employees. That’s not good. Seek your friends outside of the work environment. Don’t try to be a friend for your employees. You’re not their friend. That’s not what they come to work for. They come to work because they have to. Yes, they have to make money. They come to work because they like the mission of the organization. They come to work because they can grow themselves. But they don’t come to work to be friends with their boss.

The danger of friendship between supervisor and the employee is that you lose objectivity. What can happen is that a crucial conversation is necessary but avoided to preserve the friendship. The danger is that if a moment for a crucial conversation is there you won’t have that meeting. The danger is that other employees don’t see you treating people equally in the same circumstances. Result: a mess and weak leadership.

As Sukhinder Signh Cassidy, Chairman of Joyus, said in the New York Times (NYT, Sunday, July 10, 2016), “I’ve learned to have a little bit of distance from the people I manage, and I don’t feel the need that they all need to be at my house for dinner every weekend.”

2 – You’re a candidate running for votes

No, you are NOT.

Workplaces are not a democracy. You’re not running for president. It’s not up to you to win the popularity vote. It’s up to you to lead the department into the future. It’s up to you to create a healthy and productive workplace. It’s up to you to connect with people and to know what makes them tick. Just to mention some tasks. So, let go of the popularity contest pursuit and instead be a leader.

3 – You’re the content expert.

No, you are NOT.

It still happens a lot: a person is a great lawyer, a great engineer, a great accountant… and before you know they’re promoted to a leading position.

Oops.

That’s different. Now their past content expertise that other employees trust them for; that one element other employees rely on them is going to be their bottleneck. Now suddenly the one thing that they think that got them the position is the one thing that could kill their career as a leader.

A promotion that makes you go up in the hierarchy is an investment of the organization in the future. It’s the organization saying, “Yes, we think that you can be a great leader.” It’s not a reward for the great projects or budgets that you have managed. It’s a trust that you will be that leader with a vision, a mission, and an eagerness to connect with people so the employees and the organization will flourish.

These are the three most common traps for leaders. I’ve seen managers over and over again fall into those traps. Please don’t be one of them. If you feel that you’re slipping into that trap or you’re already in it, reach out to me. I can help.